


Deductive Fashion

by ironarm



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: AU, Angst, Eddie is a broke student, Fake Dating, Fake Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Richie is a comedian, Smut, but thats it, complications cause Richie is messy uwu, for a while, it chapter 2 references, nothing else exists from that movie smh, thats it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 07:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20653301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironarm/pseuds/ironarm
Summary: “Alright, whatever, listen, I’m sorry, blah blah,” Richie said, holding his hands up to retaliate as Eddie stood there listening, “if you pretend to date me, or whatever for a while until this blows over, I promise I’ll pay you.”“You don’t even know me.”“I’m pretty sure I had my dick in your ass last night, and that’s like hella intimate buddy, so I’m sure I know you judging by the fact that I kind of remember you -”“Alright! Alright, I get it. You remember last night,” Eddie huffed out.





	Deductive Fashion

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Reddie end up sleeping together, make the news, and then pretend to fake date.

The second Richie woke up, he knew something was wrong. Maybe it was the countless texts on his phone, or maybe it was the fact that his head hurt, or that his eyes stung, his body was stiff - or even the glaring fact that there was currently an arm around his waist.

_Which had hair._

So, in conclusion: this was a man’s arm - which should have been glaringly obvious to Richie. It was also currently seven in the morning, his phone was buzzing rapidly on the side table, and his head was pounding.

Plus, he couldn’t find his glasses. So, he did the obvious thing. He picked up the arm that was across his waist, placed it between his hand and the man’s chest and blindly tried to reach for his glasses on the side table. 

The next thing Richie noticed was the obvious groaning, and a warm puff of breath on the back of Richie’s neck, and the movement of the man’s arm. Guess he woke.

“Turn off the alarm, dickward,” a voice rang out, making Richie’s entire body go stiff.

_Yep, it was definitely a man._

“Yep, sorry,” Richie hastily said, having no other words to say. It felt weird, not to say anything, or maybe it was the fact that there was a man in Richie’s bed. Nope, it was the latter. 

Richie picked up his phone, his mind going in countless directions, and moved until his feet hit the cold wood, and let out a little breath. He placed in his password and opened up his texts. 

_You’re finally coming out??? How come I didn’t know??? _ _Also, you took a cute boy home, tell me the deets **[Bev, 3 am]**_

_I hope this was you actively making a decision and not being shitfaced **[Stan the man, 3:30 am]**_

_One night stand or boyFRIEND, details trashmouth.** [Big bill, 4 am]**_

_Congrats on the cute boy!!! **[egg boy, 6 am]**_

_As a friend, nice job on gettin’ some. As a manager? You’re a dumbass and you really need to call me back.** [Mikey, 6:30 am]**_

And Mike must have been serious, considering in thirty minutes, he already had ten missed calls and five missed facetime. 

He figured he could cut the man his slack and call back; plus, it would help Richie too, considering his heart was being 90 times a minute and there was currently a man in his bed. 

But you know, semantics.

Mike picked up on the first ring. 

“Hey buckaroo, it’s a great morning, isn’t it? I mean, I didn’t check the app yet, or even look outside but-”

“Save it, Rich.”

Richie sighed, “yeah, fine, go ahead, tell me how I outed myself to the general public and my entire life is ruined, and now I'm going to have to live on the streets, defend my beautiful body, maybe sell it for a mere cents -”

“Trashmouth, shut up, oh my god. Listen, I’m not going to tell you that you fucked up. Sure, we might have to do damage control considering twitter, and whatever has been blowing up with the mere thought of you actually being somewhat gay -” 

“Bi,” Richie cut in. 

“Yes, I know. Anyways, it might take some time, but we can move through it. You might just have to come out to a press release, press conference, or even actively announce it so we can move past it. It doesn’t mean you have to date the guy or even see him anymore. We can just use this as a ploy for social interaction. Though, as one of your best friends, I just want to say that I’m proud of you for coming out, even if it wasn’t in the best circumstances.” 

“You mean being drunk?” 

“Exactly. Do you regret it?” 

“A little.” 

“That’s okay. We’ll fix it, Rich, don’t worry.”

“I mean, if you can fix anything, it’s Richie’s mistakes!” 

Mike sighed over the phone, “Moving on, did he leave the house or is he still here?” 

“He’s still here. Right beside me actually - well, right behind, I don’t know, semantics. I should probably make him sign a contract right? Like ‘blah, blah, don’t use to your advantage, blah blah’ -” 

“You know I can hear you, right?” A voice rang out, cutting off Richie from his monologue, “Like, don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to hear a shrill voice at like crack ass dawn in the morning. But if you would like to move it into the next room over, that’ll be great too.” 

“It’s 7:30, dickwad,” Richie said, not moving his body to look at the one behind him. He sighed. “I’ll call you later, Mike,” and before Mike could say anything, he carried on, “and yes, don’t worry. I’ll handle it. I’ll meet you at your office at around eleven.” With that said, Richie closed the call, turned around in his bed and came face to face with the man; and let out an involuntary exhale, “how the fuck did I bag you last night?” 

The man snorted, “beats me, man, you were a disaster.” 

“A disaster _you_ fucking slept with.” 

“Exactly. Anyways, as nice as it was to wake up to your voice, I think I should go. Great to meet you!” The man said, his voice slightly sarcastic, as he got up, and looked around for his jeans. 

Considering how it was currently still early, Richie blamed his hangover and the ass o'clock in the morning for the next thing that was about to come out of his mouth. “I-um-wait!” Richie said, making the man froze in his steps, “see, I don’t know if you noticed, but I'm kind of a big deal.” 

The man snorted, “you mean an amateur comedian.”

Richie frowned, “shut up fuckface, you’re the one that went home with me last night. Anyways, you’re kind of all over the news buddy, just an FYI. So, we might have to do...a bit of something.” 

“What the fuck do you mean by ‘a bit of something’?” 

“Be seen outside together, a bit? Or pretend to date? Or maybe be friends who fuck in public? Wait, not that way, considering who wants to go to jail, or maybe, who knows -” 

“You really babble on like an idiot for someone who talks on stage a lot, huh?” 

“I don’t write my material -” 

“I fucking _knew_ it!” The man yelled, his lips stretching in a grin, a laugh making its way through his throat, “you always seemed like you forced a few lines -” 

“Oh, hardy hah, hah. No one is gonna believe you, now listen, do me a favour, man, and I promise you’ll get a big break.” 

The man's eyes narrowed, “you mean ‘big break’ as a shit ton of money, correct?” 

“Well, no shit, what do you expect, a ‘big break’ to be me shitting on a toilet? Hellooo, I’m a celebrity, who just came out tonight - without no planning might I add - and that too with a one night stand, so obviously I mean big bucks.” 

“You should probably be nice to me considering what you’re asking of me, dickwad.” 

“Listen, Mr...whatever your name is-” 

“It’s Kaspbrak.” 

“What?” 

“It’s Eddie Kaspbrak.” 

Richie grinned and hummed, “cute-” 

“Hey!” 

“Anyways! If you could stop interrupting me Eds-” 

“That’s _not_ my name!” 

“I can’t hear you!” 

“Do you want me to fucking leave, because I will, man, don’t fucking piss me off.” 

“Alright, whatever, listen, I’m sorry, blah blah,” Richie said, holding his hands up to retaliate as Eddie stood there listening, “if you pretend to date me, or whatever for a while until this blows over, I promise I’ll pay you.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I’m pretty sure I had _my dick in your ass_ last night, and that’s like hella intimate buddy, so I’m sure I know you judging by the fact that I kind of remember you -” 

“Alright! Alright, I get it. You remember last night,” Eddie huffed out. 

“Yeah, so, if you help me with this, you can go home with a fat check in a few months - a month or two tops - or go home now, while obviously signing a contract that states you can’t talk about what _my said dick did to your said ass_ last night.” 

Eddie huffed. At one point, the urge to just go home and sleep was slightly soaring in his mind, but on the other hand, the idea of possibly getting a fat check from a said comedian was looking appealing. 

It wasn’t that Eddie was desperate for money. Well, maybe, _kinda_. He just finished his Masters in psychology, and looking for work while being in debt wasn’t fun. Besides, the fact that he even ended up in Richie’s bed last night all had to do with the fact he broke up with his girlfriend of two years before realizing that yeah, he was bent, and yeah, she was a bitch. 

Well, Eddie always knew he was bent, but you know, semantics. 

“Alright.”

Richie raised an eyebrow, “alright, _what?_” he asked cautiously. 

“Alright, I’ll pretend to date you.” 

Richie let out a relief of sigh, “great, alright! Here we go, I’m going to call Mike, so maybe you could you know,” Eddie raised an eyebrow, “like come sit next to me? While I call? So we can figure this planning out?” 

Eddie sighed, “how about you call whoever Mike is-”

“My manager.” 

“And I’ll be back from the washroom and we can figure out what to do?”

“Sound’s good, Eds, you go take a leak,” Richie said, already dialling Mike instead of hearing Eddie angrily mumble about how that wasn’t his name. 

Mike as always, picked up on the first ring, “please tell me you figured it out.” 

“Well, kinda?”

Mike sighed, “what did you do?” 

“I maybe might have asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend.” 

“You know, when you told me you would take care of this, this wasn’t what I was expecting, right?” 

“Yeah? Well, you put me up to this man, you knew I was gonna fuck it up - 

“You told me you would take care of this! Not make him your _fake boyfriend!_”

“I’m still hungover Mike, cut me some slack. Besides my heart kinda like jumped when I saw his face, is that weird? I think I should probably see the doctor - wow, look at me, saying I need to see a doctor -”

Mike sighed, “alright, listen. If he’s a hundred percent sure of doing this, we can make a contract at this moment to figure out what you guys need to do to keep this going, and what to avoid, etc.”

Richie hummed, “sounds good.” 

“Just to make sure, he doesn’t have any criminal record, right?”

“I don’t know, homeschool, the only thing we spoke about so far is the deal and _me fucking him last night._”

“Richie,” Mike said, dejectedly, “what’s his name?”

“Eddie Kaspbrak, Kaspbrak with a ‘K’, should be with a ‘C’ though, he’s a cutie.”

Mike snorted, “might want to make sure he’s not listening so he doesn’t kill you on the spot.”

“You’re here to witness a true crime if it does happen, homeschool.”

“Anyways, it checks out, he doesn’t have a criminal record.”

“Love how you just checked but didn’t let me know how.”

“And that’s why I’m your manager, trashmouth.”

Richie laughed, “exactly.”

Eddie cleared his throat, “I’m back.”

Richie turned around and beckoned him over, “Alright Mike, I’m going to put this phone on speaker, Eds is here.”

“Stop fucking calling me that, I don’t -”

_“You must be Eddie.”_

Eddie grimaced, “sorry about that.”

_“It’s alright, Richie gets on everyone’s nerves -”_

“Hey!”

Mike continued as if Richie never spoke. _“I’m sorry you got roped into this, considering you probably thought you might just get a one night stand and end up leaving in the morning with no problem.”_

“Yeah, until he woke me up with a call.” 

_“Yeah, that one was mine. The news of Richie being bi never really came out to the public, and with pictures of you guys making out on the steps of Richie’s apartment building last night got published, well, you can see why we need you.”_

Now Richie grimaced.

“I figured,” Eddie said, adding nothing more. 

_“If you’re willing to cooperate with us, we can add benefits on your end that can help you navigate your life after this fiasco.”_

Richie cleared his throat, “something about a big check, homeschool?”

Mike exhaled, _“yeah, we can provide benefits - just like I said, Richie. You would just need to play up that you guys are casually seeing each other in public for a month or two before this dies down and then we can move forward with Richie’s image. I gather Richie told you that you have the option of saying no to this, and if you do, you would have to sign an obligation not to spread any information about these events.”_

“Yea, he did,” Eddie replied, his hands slightly clammy. This was all fucking insane. 

_“So, you both would have to come into my office and talk about what we need to do to move forward with this, but right now, I just need to know that you’re willing to do this. Are you?”_

“Yeah, yes, I’m willing,” Scratch that, Eddie wished he said no. But he knew he needed the cash.

_“Alright, I’ll see you guys in a few hours. During that time, get to know each other a bit, don’t say anything on social media, and please, stay in the apartment. I already have enough damage control to do.”_

With that, Mike ended the call. 

“So..Eds, how did you come around these parts?”

Eddie rolled his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on Tumblr, @stansbill, or main: @tnystarks


End file.
